I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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