we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
