apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
