She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
