I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
