I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
