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her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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