I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
