You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
