Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
