Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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