Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
