I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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