I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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