rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
