There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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