You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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