Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
