no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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