i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
