He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
