did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
