so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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