I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize