People in love make me want to vomit
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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