I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
