And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
