$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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