dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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