roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
