Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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