speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
