I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
