I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
