woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
