I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
