her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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