No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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