I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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