i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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