Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
