I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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