i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
