i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
