How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
