So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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