i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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