then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
