well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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