i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
