What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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