Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
