Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
