I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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