he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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